Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) Read online

  I let out the breath I was holding and turn to see our entire table staring at me. Austin looks stunned as he stares at me. Looking around the table, I decide to play it off. “What? It is for a good cause and I desperately need someone to clean up after Boss.” Luckily, the joke plays and everyone laughs before returning their attention to the stage.

  Austin, however, is still speechless and looking at me as if I have lost my mind. I turn so that I am facing only him, “Austin it is no big deal. Like I said it is for a good cause.”

  I can tell he still doesn’t believe me, “Why Rylee? There were several amazing items to bid on and you bid on the one thing you can have any time you want. Why?”

  I can feel the redness creeping into my face. “Because Austin every bidder above me was a woman. It might as well of read ‘A Date with Austin Black’ and I do not want another woman close to you. I’m sorry.” If he wasn’t surprised before he definitely is now.

  The perplexed look on his face slowly molds into a beautiful smile. “God woman, I want to kiss you so bad right now. I was dreading that day and now I get to spend it with my favorite girl.”

  The adoration in his eyes and genuine happiness across his face breaks my resolve and I lean in kissing him softly. “You are killing me Aus, I can’t live with you, and I certainly can’t live without you. I am definitely finding myself in the middle of a moral dilemma here,” I say with a small smile.

  He rests his forehead on mine, “Give in Ry, you know we are great together. We can work through anything, give me a chance.” I so badly want to say yes but a weekend away and a chance to confront my past should provide the clarity I need.

  The sincerity in his eyes tells me he would stick by me though anything but this is something I have to do for both of us. “I tell you what give me the weekend Aus, and I will give you an answer.” I don’t give him a chance to answer before I kiss him again.

  Chapter 12

  Austin dropped me off at home and we said our goodbyes before sharing a very intimate kiss that crossed the line. I didn’t tell him I am planning to leave town for a few days because I didn’t want to ruin our night. It may have been rocky in places but it was truly one of the best nights of my life.

  Walking through the door, I see J sprawled out of the couch sound asleep. He is clearly waiting up for me so I wake him up. “Hey J, why don’t you go to bed?”

  He rubs his eyes at the sound of my voice and stretches his muscular arms above his head. “Hey baby girl did you have a good time?” He looks at me expectantly as I replay the night for him before telling him I am going to go to the cabin for a few days.

  As has been normal tonight he looks at me in confusion. “So you had a great night and now you are leaving?” I explain that I need time to sort things out for myself without Austin.

  Of course, my big brother offers to go with me, but I decline. He rises from the couch and comes around to hug me, “Do what you must, baby girl, but call me if you need me.”

  I head upstairs to pack knowing I won’t need much other than warm sweats and a few pairs of jeans. I keep all of my ski gear at the cabin along with other essentials. Bode’s cabin is up in the mountains near Vail.

  I texted Bode earlier to let him warn him I am coming, but I haven’t heard back. It doesn’t matter though I have a key just as he does to my home. J, Bode, and I view all our things as communal. After I finish packing, I crawl into bed for what ends up being a very restless sleep filled with thoughts of Austin and a future I never thought was possible.

  Half asleep, I take my seat on the 6:15 am flight to Denver where I will rent a car and drive up to the cabin. My flight is roughly seven hours with a short layover in Dallas so I am looking forward to getting a little rest. After departing the plane, I grab my bag and head over to the rental car counter where I secure a 4x4 SUV. Settling into the monster of a car, I turn my phone back on to see numerous missed calls and texts from Austin and J. I check the missed texts from J first:

  J: *Let me know when you land and have fun* 7:30 am

  J: *You didn’t tell Austin you were leaving?* 10:48 am

  J: *Call me when you land* 11:37 am

  Something tells me the change from text me to call me has something to do with Austin. Instead of calling straightaway, I check the texts from Austin.

  Austin: *I had a great time last night. Call me when you get up* 7:55 am

  Austin: *Just wondering where you are. Is everything ok?* 8:57 am

  Austin: *Ry call me* 9:22 am

  Austin: *You left town and didn’t tell me. WTF* 10:54 am

  Austin: *I’m sorry Ry. Please let me know you are ok. I talked to J* 11:30 am

  I already feel awful so I decide to listen to the voice mails before I deal with either of them. Austin’s voice messages are much like his texts they go from thanking me for last night, to angry that I left, to apologizing and asking me to check-in when I can. I call J back first as I get out and onto the highway. He answers the second ring:

  “Hey baby girl, you make it ok?”

  “Yeah, I am on the road now. Is everything ok there?”

  “Well, Austin is a bit distraught you up and left. He showed up here, and I had to tell him what was going on.”

  “No problem, J, I should have told him, but I didn’t want him to talk me out of it.”

  “You will call him though right, I can’t be the go between all weekend.”

  “I will call him when we hang up, I swear.”

  “Ok, well do what you need to do and get back here. I miss you kiddo we haven’t hung out enough lately.”

  “Will do J, I love you and sorry for this morning.”

  After we hang up, I ponder the conversation between J and me. I am a little scared to call Austin not knowing whether he is mad or not. Well, he is probably mad but I hope he will understand I am doing this for him, for us.

  I decide to wait until I reach the cabin to call since the roads are not in the best shape. There are still icy patches and patches of snow pack here and there that demand my undivided attention.

  About two hours later I pull into the secluded tree lined driveway, and I find a sense of peace. I am glad I am taking this time for myself. I follow the narrow driveway up to the porch wrapped cabin and park in the circular drive.

  Bode’s cabin is a modern A-frame log cabin that boasts wide windows and a splash of luxury that is common here. The wrap around porch is a few feet of the ground to accommodate the standard amount of snow on the ground during the winter months. I cannot wait to get inside, light the fireplace, and curl up with a blanket and a good movie.

  First, I need to call Austin and face the music so to speak. I grab my phone, hit the contacts icon, and swipe to call before I chicken out. He answers on the first ring:

  “Hey gorgeous, how are the mountains?”

  I am taken aback by his casual demeanor and seeming lack of anger.

  “They are good, snow covered, and as beautiful as ever. How are you?”

  “Honestly Ry, I am a little pissed you up and left town without telling me, but after talking to your brother I understand.”

  “I am sorry Austin, but this is something I need to do. I didn’t want to ruin last night by telling you.”

  “You knew you were leaving last night,” he asks with a hint of hurt in his voice.

  “Yeah, I decided to when we were in the stairwell. Austin, I want so much more with you, but I can’t give into that until I figure out how to let the past go.”

  I am now on the verge of crying as I realize the enormity of my last statement. I just admitted to the man I am in love with I want him. If I cannot find a way past my demons I will hurt us both, and the one thing I am trying to avoid is hurting Austin. As much as I want to avoid having my heart broken it would devastate me to cause Austin any more pain.

  “Rylee, I want more too, but I told you there is no pressure. I will give you all the space and time you need, but you have to talk to me. You didn’t need to fl
ee halfway across the country to get away from me.”

  I can hear the hurt in his voice and it breaks me. The tears are flowing and I almost wish I had just stayed home.

  “Austin, please just trust me on this. I didn’t run from you. I am doing this for you. I know I am hurting you and I can’t bear it anymore. Let me figure this out. Please.”

  “Fine Ry, I will trust you on this. But, I need you to hear me. You know how I feel about you. Every person in that room last night knows how I feel about you. I don’t want to tell you over the phone because I want to see your gorgeous face when I do, but I know you know. So, please figure this out and come back. I meant it when I said I will take you anyway I can even if we are just friends.”

  He just told me without telling me that he loves me and I cannot help the sobbing cries that follow. Dammit, I am in love with him too, and here I sit 2000 miles across the country alone in a car. I will stay strong, I came here for a reason, and I will confront that reason so I can go home to Austin.

  “I know Austin, I know. You should know I am only here because I feel the same way. Now, I have to go I will call you later. Bye Aus.”

  “Bye Ry. Be safe.”

  As the line disconnects I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life. I take a few deep breaths before getting out of the car and heading inside.

  The interior of the cabin is amazing with a rock fireplace taking center stage. Large overstuffed couches frame the fireplace and a glass coffee table sits in the center of the huge furry rug. The television is small, compared to the one at home, and sits off in the corner of the room. Natural beams run across the ceiling and there are ceiling fans scattered throughout for use in the summer.

  As beautiful as the cabin is, it is the view that sets this place apart. The front of the structure is adorned with floor to ceiling windows that display the beauty of the Rockies. I could stare out these windows for a lifetime.

  Chapter 13

  I head upstairs to the master suite to drop my bag off and take a soak in the built-in hot tub. With plans to find my past and punch it in the face tonight, I need to relax. I found out from scrolling through social media last night that Ryan is in the area, and I am hoping to confront him for the first time since we split. I kept this tidbit of information from both Austin and J because they would not approve. In fact, if J knew he wouldn’t have let me leave the house.

  I think the only way for me to get over the past is to confront it. I haven’t spoken to Ryan since the morning before he left me and I have a few things he needs to say to him. Ryan has called a few times over the years, but I never considered speaking to him until now, and he will be lucky if speak is all I do.

  The master suite of the cabin is a slice of heaven with a king size four-poster bed and all natural wooden decor. The interior designer went with rich reds and browns to decorate the room. It is truly a slice of heaven. I turn the corner to bathroom only to run squarely into a hard body causing me to scream in fear.

  Through my screams I finally hear, “Hey baby girl it’s just me. It is just me.”

  After I realize the deep voice belongs to Bode, I stop screaming and punch him repeatedly in the chest. “You scared the shit out of me. I texted you three times. Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”

  He grabs my hands stopping my assault on his chest. “J and I figured you wouldn’t come if we told you. Besides I haven’t been here long.”

  It is becoming clear now, he is here because J knew what I planning. Time to see if Bode will admit to it, “So why are you here?”

  He cocks his head to the side and gives me a knowing grin, “I’m guessing you know why given the pissed off look on your face.”

  The truth is I am pissed, but I am also a little relieved to have some backup, not that I will tell him that. “Contrary to what you and J believe I can take care of myself. You two don’t need to hold my hand everywhere I go.”

  I can tell that last remark pissed Bode off. “Rylee, I am not here to tell you what you can and cannot do, but I will be damned if I sit back and let you walk into a room with that asshat alone. I saw what he did to you remember.”

  Now, I feel guilty. I should have known they are just looking out for me like always. But, that does not mean I couldn’t have been included in the plan. “Fine, but I will be confronting him, one way or the other, his hold over me has to stop. Now, I am calling J to tell him how much I am enjoying his overprotective streak.” He just laughs and pulls me into a hug.

  “I missed you beautiful. You should see me more,” he says with a chuckle. Bode is all ego and I adore him. He is as tall as J and has the body of a surf god, probably because he is a professional surf god. He wears his blonde hair near shoulder length and has the lightest blue eyes you will ever see.

  “I missed you too,” I say as I back out of the hug leaving a hand on his tight bicep. “But, I am still calling your best friend.”

  I call J ready to yell at him for overstepping again, but instead find myself thanking him. He told me that he wouldn’t have sent Bode if I had agreed to let him come. He said he knew what I was up to the minute I told him where I was going because he had seen the posts from Ryan as well.

  Surprisingly, he was supportive of my quest but warned me not to go alone and I agreed. He also told me he did not raise his suspicions to Austin that I was here for Ryan. He figured that part of the story would be best coming from me.

  Once I got off the phone, I felt better about having Bode here. They are both right that it would be dangerous emotionally for me to confront Ryan alone. Ryan knows me well enough to inflict serious damage if he feels like it.

  Ready for the calm before the storm I turn on the hot tub and discard my clothes. Just as I go to lay my pants on the dressing table, I hear my phone beep with an incoming text. I pull it from the pocket of my pants to see a text from Austin:

  Austin: *I miss you* 3:58 pm

  I smile at the sweet simplicity of his message knowing he means it.

  Me: *I miss you too* 3:59 pm

  After a long soak in the hot tub, I hop out and turn on the shower so I can rinse the chlorine off and ready myself for tonight. While I am in the shower, I can’t help remembering my hands on Austin as I asked him to imagine us in the shower. The thought ignites a fire between my legs and I am forced to relive the dongs as well just to calm myself down. If only Austin were here, he would definitely appreciate the irony.

  Stepping out of the shower chuckling to myself, I hear Bode at the door. “Hey Ry, I know where your boy is when you are ready.”

  With a renewed sense of purpose I blow dry my hair and put on my subtly sexy make-up. I may not be here to win Ryan back but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to look my best.

  After putting on my black lingerie set, I throw a robe on and go in search of Bode. I find him sitting on the couch downstairs. “So where are we headed,” I ask.

  “Well, according to a friend he is having dinner at The Lodge and then heading to Club Blue.” Bode looks at me expectantly, and I realize I don’t have a well thought out plan for this rendezvous.

  “So where should we try to run into him,” I ask hoping we can come up with a coherent plan.

  After a bit of discussion we decide on the club since The Lodge presents too many opportunities for a big scene. I march back upstairs to get dressed with a sense of purpose and dread. I choose my little black dress with the lace overlay and three quarter length lace sleeves. The dress hits mid-thigh and shows off my long legs.

  I throw on a pair of lace-up close-toe stiletto heels, a spritz of perfume, my favorite diamond hoops, and tennis bracelet. I grab my black clutch with a chain strap and stuff the essentials inside before going down to join Bode.

  He is standing at the bar with a drink in his hand as I hit the bottom stair. He turns to me and I see his jaw drop. “Rylee Ash, you are smoking baby. Are you trying to get him back or see how many fights you can get me into tonight?”

  I smile at the
twisted attempt at a compliment. “Neither doll, just making sure he knows what he lost. Plus the clothes give me a boost in confidence,” I say with a wink.

  “Well, I will venture to say he will be eating his heart out. Lord knows I am right now.” I am not sure what to make out of his last statement so I just cross the room and pour myself a drink.

  “You look pretty smoking yourself Bode. I bet we can find you a friend before the night is over.” His blonde hair is tied back with a few strands falling onto his face. He is wearing his signature blue jeans and a paisley button down shirt that only he could make look hot.

  “Well, thank you pretty lady, but I am a one woman man tonight. I am only here for you.” This is so unlike Bode and worries me. He is either worried about me, or he has feelings I was previously unaware of. For now, I am going to choose to believe it is the former.

  “When do we need to leave,” I ask hoping for a change of subject.

  “We have about fifteen minutes,” he says refilling his drink.

  “Perfect, I am going to make a quick call before we head out if you don’t mind,” I say as I head for the living room.

  I need to talk to Austin to remind myself the main reason I am putting myself through this tonight. I press his contact and stare at the picture of the two of us before pressing call. Again, he answers on the first ring:

  “Hey baby, is everything ok?”

  Just the sound of his voice makes me happy.

  “Yeah everything is fine; I just wanted to hear your voice.”

  “Ry, what’s going on? You don’t sound fine to me.”

  “Nothing is going on, Aus. Can’t a girl just want to talk to you?”

  “You, my dear, can do anything you want but something is up, so spill it.”

  I explain the plan for the night and I can hear the anger rising in Austin. I am not sure which he is more upset about the fact that I am going to see Ryan or the fact that Bode is here with me. I remind him several times that I am doing this for us, but it doesn’t seem to calm him.

  “Rylee, I really wish you wouldn’t do this. Or at the very least let me be the one there with you.”