Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) Read online

  Not Enough

  By: Nikole Bloom

  Copyright

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons is coincidental.

  Copyright © 2015 Nikole Bloom

  All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without permission of the author constitutes unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. Permission to use material from this book must be obtained by contacting the author at [email protected]. Thank you for your support.

  Editor: Kate Wood

  All songs, song titles, and lyrics mentioned in the novel, Not Enough, are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders.

  For my husband and family for all of their love and support

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 1

  I have been planning my wedding to Ryan David for the past six months. I have picked out flowers, tablecloths, chair covers, party favors, centerpieces, food, locations, photographers, and so much more.

  Given the fact that I am not a girly girl, this has been a trying time for me. I don’t have many girlfriends. Well, outside of Ryan’s sister, I have none. I grew up surrounded by boys and have loved sports my whole life. My best friend is my brother Jeremy and I am close to his friends, Bode and Eric.

  I met Ryan in college. He was the quarterback of the football team, and J was the star wide receiver. Ryan and J were an amazing duo on the field, which is how I met Ryan. Ryan and I were nearly inseparable from the moment we met.

  I fell head over heels in love with him in a matter of months. Ryan surprised me with a proposal the night he was drafted. I accepted without a second thought. He always made me feel special, and I was thrilled to be engaged. It was hard to leave my home in Boston and move to Houston with him, but I did it. J also drafted and currently plays in New York. Leaving him, and the comfort of familiarity, was the hardest thing for me. I miss my brother and our friends daily, but we talk, text, or Skype most days.

  Since moving to Houston I have finished my law degree, with a focus on sports law. I will start my career with a sports management firm after we return from our honeymoon in two weeks. I am beyond excited I was granted this opportunity; my dream is to start my own sports management firm. For now, I think getting experience in the industry is the perfect first step.

  Our wedding is in two days and the rehearsal dinner is tonight at a quaint Mexican food restaurant Ryan and I frequent. This is the one part of the wedding celebration I did not plan; I let Ryan’s mom and sister take the reins on this one.

  I am standing here, in front of the restaurant, in my favorite little black dress. It has lace that runs across the chest and the neckline dips just low enough to give a peek at the girls. The back is open and the skirt reaches mid-thigh. The dress is tight, but not streetwalker tight. I paired it with a pair of black strappy heels and silver jewelry.

  Ryan and I had planned to meet out front a few minutes after seven so we could enter together. I was running a little late, but it is now 7:30 and I am wondering where he is. Just as I reach for my phone to call him, I see my darling brother, Eric and Bode step outside. The look of concern on their faces sends a shiver down my spine. This can’t be good.

  “Hey guys,” I say cautiously. “I am just waiting for Ryan. He should be here any minute.”

  J walks over and envelops me in a tight hug.

  “Oh, baby girl,” he mumbles, clearly worried.

  I can feel him shaking his head, presumably at Eric and Bode. I push myself out of his embrace and scan the faces of my family. These three men are the only people in the world I consider family. Something is not right, because they are entirely too quiet.

  “All right, what is going on?” I say, demandingly.

  They take a step closer. Bode grabs my hand as J explains, “The rehearsal dinner is canceled. Ryan's mom called the restaurant a few days ago.”

  My heart sinks. I cannot believe that is true, so I storm into the restaurant. The little restaurant is decorated in vibrant colors and stays true to the owner’s heritage. I quickly locate Eduardo, the owner, and I see the sadness and compassion in his eyes. Knowing he has no reason to lie, I ask him the question of the hour: “They canceled?”

  He responds with a quiet, “Yes, honey.”

  I feel like I have just been sucker punched. What is happening?

  After walking back outside into the warm Houston air, my hands begin to tremble and my mind is racing. Maybe I misunderstood. Surely this situation is all a misunderstanding. How could they cancel our rehearsal dinner without telling me? I pull out my phone and dial Ryan with shaky fingers. I get the message that the number is disconnected or no longer in service.

  How can that be? I spoke with him this morning. Now I am worried. My stomach is in knots and I am struggling to think through all of this. I turn to J and tell him to call Ryan. Maybe my phone is bugging out. After J and Bode get the same message, reality begins to set in. Something is wrong, very wrong.

  I have to get out of here. I have to find Ryan.

  I start sprinting, as best I can in heels, back to my car, which is not so conveniently parked at the back end of the parking lot. Halfway to the lot one heel breaks, forcing me to stop and remove the shoes. My family surrounds me in a protective circle once I stop. I am doing everything I can to keep from breaking down right here on the street.

  The look of pity and concern in their eyes irritate me.

  “Don't look at me like that. We don't know what happened. Maybe this is all a big misunderstanding,” I say, trying to dispel the fear eating away at me.

  I know they think Ryan has dumped me and, truth be told, that is possible. I am, however, clinging to the hope that the time we shared and the dreams we aspire to are worth more to him than this. I know they are worth more to me.

  Bode picks me up, cradling me like a child, before heading towards the parking lot.

  “Don’t worry, Rylee, we got you,” he says in a soothing tone.

  Once we reach my car, J takes my keys. Bode deposits me into the passenger seat of my black Dodge Charger and I sink into the black leather, wishing it would just open wide and swallow me whole.

  I have to remind myself that we don't know what is going on, at least not for sure. Maybe they moved the location, or this is some kind of very elaborate and tasteless joke. Ryan and I
have a great thing. At least, I thought we did. No couple is perfect, I know, but I thought we were close. I thought we were happy.

  The past three years were worth more than a coward's way out, weren’t they? I love him with all my heart and I refuse to believe this is the end. There must be a logical explanation. There has to be.

  My mind races as my body shakes with uncertainty. By the time we reach our home, I am riding one hell of an emotional rollercoaster. I cannot decide if I am angry, hurt, devastated, embarrassed or all of the above.

  Chapter 2

  Unlocking the front door to the penthouse Ryan and I share, something feels wrong. I can't pinpoint the feeling. Jeremy, Bode, and Eric flank me as we enter the opulent space. It is beautifully decorated in warm colors and, until now, held a welcoming feel.

  I turn to J. “Let’s take a look around.”

  With a nod of his head, he agrees. We slowly make our way through the house until we reach the master bedroom. I still cannot believe this is happening. How did we go from talking about our wedding this morning to him changing his phone number and standing me up tonight? Just standing in our home, my mind is overloading on memories and anger.

  Upon entering the master bedroom, I notice a folded piece of notebook paper lying up against my pillow. Bending down to pick up the note, I see it is written in Ryan’s handwriting. My heart is pounding, my hands are sweaty, and I can barely see the note through the tears pooling in my eyes.

  Dear Rylee,

  I am sorry for leaving you like this but we both know it is easier this way. The truth is, I have not been happy with you for some time. I fell in love with someone else and I feel she is my ticket to happiness. After meeting her, I realized that what we had is just not enough for me. I realize this is hard for you to hear, but it is better I do it now instead of continuing to live the lie. Camille and I have been together for the past few months and will be married soon.

  I hope you don’t mind, but I will be repurposing some of our wedding plans. I see no reason why the money I spent on the wedding and honeymoon should be wasted. After all, I helped with the plans and should have a say in how they are used. Please take your time moving out as I will be gone until after our honeymoon.

  I am sorry for how this has turned out, but I want to wish you the best of luck in life. I hope that one day you can forgive me and that we can be friends.

  --Ryan

  “UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!” I scream.

  I mean, really, not only is he walking away like a coward, but now he thinks it is okay to take the wedding I planned and give it to his new fiancé. Take my time moving out and he wants to be friends? He has lost his damn mind. If I ever see him again, he will be lucky to walk away alive.

  I crumple up the note and throw it as hard as I can across the room. It does nothing to soothe my anger. The paper floats a mere five feet before falling to the ground at J's feet. He picks it up and unfolds the crushed paper. His face turns red as he flexes his jaw muscles in anger.

  “I will kill that son of a bitch.”

  Bode and Eric react the same way after they scan the page Jeremy tosses them.

  It is now I decide that I need to see just how much of the wedding paraphernalia is missing. We were keeping it all in the guest room, so I head there straightaway.

  Opening the door, I see it is empty.

  “Holy shit, J, it is all gone. He took everything. Look in the closet. Surely he at least left my dress.”

  It had taken me two months to pick out the perfect dress. J opens the door to the walk-in closet and, as he flips the light on, I see it too is empty.

  From behind me, I hear Bode. “How could he do that? And what kind of woman would steal another woman’s wedding? Isn’t that against the rules or something?”

  Silently I wonder, does she know about me? Does she know she’s stealing my wedding? Would she care? Bode is right. I assume this is definitely against the woman code or something.

  I feel sick and run to the bathroom in the hope I don’t vomit all over the floor. As I reach the toilet, I can’t hold it in anymore.

  After throwing up what feels like years of lies, the tears come and I am sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing as Jeremy shuffles in. He pulls me into his arms and announces that we are leaving.

  I keep hearing Ryan’s voice in my head chanting, it just is not enough for me, not enough. How many times in life will I not be enough?

  J instructs Bode and Eric to pack me a bag and meet us at the hotel. This will be the last time I ever set foot in the penthouse. I also decide that it is the last time I will ever give another person the power to hurt me. I might not be enough for anyone else, but I can be enough for myself.

  Chapter 3

  It has been three years since the wedding that wasn’t. After the incident, I moved back to Boston, took a position at a local sports agency, and stayed there for two years learning from three of the top agents in the business. Last year I opened my own agency, and it is steadily growing.

  I travel back and forth to New York to see Jeremy play whenever they are at home. Things have been going well lately, and I am content with my life. I am not overjoyed, but I am not miserable either. I miss that intimate connection you can have with a person you love, but I still refuse to take that risk.

  Jeremy and I are as close as two siblings can be. He is still my best friend and overall go-to for everything. Jeremy is gorgeous and has no trouble with the ladies, well except he is commitment phobic. J stands six feet four inches with a chiseled athletic body. He keeps his jet-black hair short and manageable, and his stark green eyes have women, of all ages, begging for his attention. His eyes are the window to his soul if he lets you in. I have always been able to read Jeremy's eyes much to his dismay.

  Jeremy and I are built a lot alike. I stand five feet nine inches with an athletic build. I am toned but not overly muscular. My long light brown wavy hair spends most of its time in a ball cap or ponytail. Like J, my skin has the sun kissed look year round and with a deep tan in the summer. However, my favorite feature is my bright green eyes that are framed by long plush eyelashes that most girls would kill to have, or buy off a shelf. People say it is our eyes that reveal the kinship between us.

  Whenever I am not working, I am working out. I try to keep myself busy to avoid feeling the loneliness that consumes me from time to time. I work seventy to eighty hours a week because I am determined to become a force in the business. However, today is Sunday and I have little to do so as I lay here in my comfortable bed I debate the day.

  Looking out my window, I notice the sun is shining making it a good day to take Boss for a walk. Boss is my baby even though he is anything but a baby. Boss is a 160-pound shiny black Great Dane. As I look over, I see Boss is sound asleep on his side of the bed so I ask, “Hey boy you want to go.” That gets his attention, and now he is towering over me wagging his tail furiously.

  Getting up I walk into the bathroom closely followed by Boss. My bathroom is my sanctuary. It has dual sinks in the center of the room that are a beautiful slate color. The walk-in shower is tiled in the same color off to the left side of the room. The toilet is housed in its own closet. In addition, a stunning black soaking tub sets to the right of the sinks. I have accented the room with black and white towels giving it a retro chic feel.

  I quickly brush my teeth and throw on my pink jogging shorts, a long sleeve black dry fit shirt, and a pink baseball cap. As I slip on my black running shoes, Boss is beside himself with excitement. I had him professionally trained, so he is generally a delight to walk/run.

  As we head down the stairs, I can smell coffee, which tells me J is here. During the off-season, he comes and goes from here with frequency. Walking over to the entry closet to grab Boss’s leash I see a tall blonde walk through the living room in nothing but Jeremy’s shirt. Not wanting to go down that road right now, I hook Boss’s black leash to his black and white collar and we quietly sneak out the front door.

  Chap
ter 4

  It is a gorgeous spring day in Boston and warmer than usual. Boss and I walk up the hill towards the little trail that leads down to a secluded beach. I notice moving trucks and delivery trucks at the top of hill. They are unloading into a house I have loved since I moved to this neighborhood.

  It is a monster of a house that sits on a little over an acre of land. I know it boasts an impressive five bedrooms, five bathrooms, a media room, indoor pool, and a state of the art kitchen. I may have stalked the house while it was on the market. It is so beautiful and the grounds around it are manicured to perfection.

  I wonder who is moving into my dream home. I try to get a sneak a peek at the new owner as we pass by the gates, but all I see is moving men carrying piece after piece of furniture through the huge mahogany double doors.

  Boss and I head over to the beach and warm-up with a brisk walk before running a couple miles. The beach is stunning this time of year. Being so early in the year, the crowds are absent allowing a sense of serenity to crash in with the waves.

  After walking back to where we started Boss and I take a seat and gaze out over the magnificence that is the Atlantic Ocean. He lies next to me and I run my hands through the warm sand noticing that the deeper my fingers go the cooler the sand becomes. We sit there for what seems like hours before I pull Boss up and we head back up the rocky trail to the street.

  As we reach the top of the hill, an orange cat runs across the street and catches Boss’s attention.

  “No boy, sit,” I plead to no avail.

  Boss takes off in a full sprint after the trouble-making cat pulling me down to the pavement before I can get the leash off my arm. I jump up, notice I have blood running down my leg, and feel the gravel embedded in my knees and hands, but I don’t have time to deal with it.

  I take off in pursuit screaming, “Boss, come here boy.”

  Fifteen minutes later after running around looking for him everywhere I am just about to give up when I notice him sitting next to someone in the driveway of my dream house. Well, at least the dog has good taste, and I will get to check out the new owner.