Not Enough: Is love ever enough? (The Enough Series Book 1) Read online

  He takes a deep breath and the doors open prompting us to rush through. He parked his car in the valet zone, so we are able to hop in and leave. After a few minutes in traffic, I am considering asking my question again when he finally speaks. “Rylee, I can't say with certainty that the accident was related to the threats. However, my gut says it is. There are a few things about it that do not add up.”

  He doesn’t elaborate on what doesn’t add up. Bile rises in my throat as I come face to face with my worst fear I am likely the reason Ruzek's partner is dead and J is in the emergency room. I fail to stop the sobs from taking over my body as I sit in the passenger seat overwhelmed by reality and grief.

  Ruzek places a consoling hand on my knee and gives me a sad smile. “Rylee you need to understand this is not your fault. Whatever this sicko does is on him. You have no control over his actions.”

  I cannot force words through my tears so I nod not buying his spin on the matter. The closer we get to the hospital the more I am able reel in my scattered emotions. I will be strong for Jeremy. He shouldn’t have been in that car. If I was stronger and hadn’t relied on him yesterday he would be at home doing whatever it is he does. J is always there when I need him. Austin said J is the one who got him back to Boston last night. He did that for me and look at where he is now. If Austin had stayed in Houston last night and we took a break like I asked, Detective Rhodes would still be alive and J wouldn't be fighting for his life.

  This is all my fault, but I cannot handle it alone. Knowing I need somebody I call Bode. He agrees to meet me at the hospital as soon as possible. J needs all the love and support we can give him right now.

  Chapter 39

  Three hours and two updates later I am no closer to knowing how J is. I paced the halls incessantly, cried my eyes out, and begged anyone who will listen to save my brother. Bode has been right beside me through it all. I all but lost my temper during the second ‘update’ when the nurse came from surgery came to tell me things were progressing as expected. As expected, what in the hell does that mean.

  Here we are waiting patiently for more news and praying that J will pull through. So far, we know he has a broken leg, dislocated shoulder, a punctured lung, and a bunch of cuts and bruises. He has been in surgery for a little over four hours and my nerves getting the best of me. Something is wrong, I can feel it in my heart.

  About twenty minutes later the doctor comes through the doors and my breathing stops as he approaches. Pulling his light green surgical cap off, he addresses me, “Miss Ash?” I stare blankly at him afraid of what he has to say. Bode nudges my arm and I snap back into reality away from the dark thoughts clouding my consciousness.

  “Yes sir, I am Miss Ash. Please call me Rylee and this is Bode. He is family too,” I mumble quickly, my voice laced with terror.

  I lean on Bode’s shoulder as the doctor speaks again, “I am Dr. Beckley. Let's sit down and talk about Jeremy.” We sit across from Dr. Beckley, and I try to steel my nerves. Bode is holding my hand as the doctor explains.

  “First off, Jeremy is a fighter. He is damn lucky to be alive. Unfortunately, besides the injuries you are already aware of he also sustained a pretty serious head injury.”

  He pauses a moment to let this new information sink in, but all I can concentrate on is J is alive. I feel marginally better knowing J is alive. It is like an invisible weight left my chest. Dr. Beckley continues, “Now, we drilled a small hole in his skull to release the pressure and would ideally like to see the swelling subside in the next few days. For the time being, we have placed him in a medically induced coma to control his pain levels. The next twenty-four to forty-eight hours will be critical. He is not out of the woods yet, but if he continues to fight, I think he has a good chance at recovery. You can see him in an hour or so after he is transferred from Recovery to the Critical Care Unit.”

  I am at a loss for words, but I stand and thank the doctor. Once he leaves, I turn to Bode who has his hands on my shoulders and pain in his eyes. “God Bode, he has to make it through this. It is all my fault.”

  I lose it again partially due to the news that J is still alive, but also because I am so angry with myself. Bode folds me into a strong embrace and allows me cry into his chest.

  We make our way up to the Critical Care Unit and resume pacing and worrying. A short time later, a nurse finally came out to talk to us. She explains that we can go back one at a time and that visiting hours in this unit end at seven p.m. sharp.

  With one last hug, I follow her back through the mechanical doors to a very sterile and surreal room. The room is built in a circle with a large nurse’s station in the center. The patient rooms are glassed in and it is eerily quiet.

  She introduces herself as Michelle and informs me she will be with J until the next shift comes in at eleven p.m. Michelle is a larger woman with light pink scrubs, auburn hair pulled back into a pony tail, and a distinct motherly quality about her.

  She pats my arm as we reach room four and gives me a smile of encouragement. “Just talk to him and be yourself. You must believe,” she says as if she knows it to be true.

  Michelle opens the door to J’s room and I almost buckle at the sight of him. His head wrapped in bandages, there are bruises visible all over his swollen face and torso, his right shoulder is in a sling, and he doesn’t even appear to be breathing. I look back at her for support, “Go on in honey. You can touch him; just don’t disturb any of the wires.” With that, she leaves me there with my broken brother.

  I take small steps towards the bed scanning him from head to toe and noting the damage. My heart is tearing at the sight, but I cannot focus on that. I have to be strong. I place my hands around his and squeeze gently, afraid to cause him any more pain. Choking back tears, I find my voice. “J, I love you so much. I am so sorry. You have to fight Jeremy. I know you don’t know how to lose, so now is not the time to learn.”

  The tears are streaming down my face, but I hold tough and continue to talk to him about anything I can think of. Finally, sitting down in the chair next to the bed, I continue stroking his hand, and rest my head on our joined hands. I hope he can hear me, I hope he knows how much I love him, and I hope he knows how much I need him.

  After an hour, I take a break and send Bode back to visit before I spend the night here. Despite the visiting hours rule I do not intend to leave my big brother in this cold sterile environment alone. Walking back through the mechanical doors my heart stops when I find Austin standing there talking to Bode. He looks so shattered. He looks exactly how I feel.

  Bode notices my presence first, walks over, and hugs me tight. “How is he baby girl?”

  I shake my head against his chest as a new batch of tears threaten. “It isn’t good Bode, he looks so lifeless. Michelle said we should talk to him and believe.” I look up at my brother’s best friend the pain he is attempting to mask.

  “Go see him. I am staying the night whether they like it or not.”

  He gives me a tiny smirk. “I have no doubt you are.”

  I give him one more big squeeze and he looks down at me. “Ry, this is not Austin’s fault. You need to talk to him. Neither of you are to blame. I talked to Detective Ruzek a bit ago; they are following a few leads. So go talk to him, we will need all the friends and family we have right now.”

  I nod, still not convinced. “Bode did you call Eric?”

  He starts for the door, “Yeah I did, they will be here soon. Now go talk to him.”

  Chapter 40

  We stand looking at each other across the small waiting room. The cold gray chairs and light blue walls are as ugly as my current emotional state. Austin has his hands in his pockets. He is looking at me with so much regret and sorrow that I have to look away. All I see looking at him is the destruction love has caused yet again.

  I can tell he is nervous and uns
ure how to approach me. Truthfully, I am teetering on the brink of an emotional meltdown. He takes a few cautious steps to stand in front of me. “Ry I am so sorry. How is he?” His voice is low and laced with pain.

  “He is broken Austin. He is lying in that bed battered and wrecked because of us.” I did not mean to attack him, but I cannot forgive him or myself for putting J in that room.

  Austin doesn’t flinch at my outburst. “He is strong, he will fight. I want you to know I took Boss to my house, and I will take care of him. I brought you some clean clothes, toiletries, and your phone charger in case you need them. I'm sure you won’t be leaving anytime soon.” It is so unfair in this moment he is still taking care of me when all I want to do is punish him for the damage we caused.

  “Thanks, I appreciate that.” I walk away to sit down hoping he will go home. I don’t have the emotional stability to deal with anything more than J right now.

  “Rylee, Ry, I am so sorry.” He kneels down in front of me still careful not to touch me. “I love you Ry. You are blaming us or me for this right now, and that's ok. But, one day you will realize we aren’t at fault, and I will still be here waiting.”

  I am so devastated right now. Logically I realize Austin and I didn’t cause this, but the guilt is still all consuming. J and I never had it easy. Our parents never wanted us and we had to fight for everything we have in this life. If it weren’t for Jeremy, I probably wouldn’t be alive right now. He made sure we had food and shelter on the nights we weren’t allowed home. He helped me with homework, college applications, and anything else I ever asked.

  Even if Austin and I are not directly responsible, I believe we share some culpability. I cannot help thinking through the what ifs. What if I never met Austin? What if I never fell in love with Austin? What if Austin had stayed in Houston? What if he doesn’t wake up?

  Looking at Austin, I find the love that consumed me only a few hours ago, but I cannot make it more powerful than the guilt. “Aus I can’t do this. I just can’t. He is fighting for his life and it is my fault. I can’t deal with anything else right now.” I can see his heart explode in front of me and I feel mine do the same.

  Austin takes my hands in his and prompts me to look at him. He has tears streaming down his beautiful face. “I understand baby, I do. But, I want you to call me if you need me for anything. I meant it when I said I would always be there for you. And, please let me know how J is doing. I love you Rylee more than anything in this world.” He kisses me lightly on the lips before standing.

  As Austin starts to walk away, the large double doors that lead to J fly open with obvious force, and Bode runs toward me. He stops short, places both hands on my shoulders, and gasps for air. “Bode what’s going on? Bode,” I am practically yelling at him.

  He takes a deep breath that causes my fear to skyrocket. “They threw me out when he started to code.”

  “Oh my god Bode no, no,” I scream at him before falling forward into his chest.

  He holds me tight as we sink to the floor in a sobbing fit. This can’t be happening. I can’t lose him. He is the only family I have. I feel Bode stroking my hair. ”Shh baby girl, just believe. He will fight he has to. We love him too much to let him go just yet.”

  I look up and meet Austin’s panic-stricken eyes. ”When has love ever been enough?”

  To be continued…

  Thank You!

  I would like to thank my readers. Without you, I would not be able to do this. If you enjoyed the first installment of Austin and Rylee’s story, please consider leaving a review, or tell a friend. You can also connect with me directly via the links below. I would love to hear from you. Book two, Loving Enough, will be released March 22, 2016. Reserve your copy here: http://amzn.to/1UAWx7F

  Read on for a sneak peek of Loving Enough, Book Two in the Enough Series.

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  Excerpt of Loving Enough

  Prologue

  Austin

  Ten days, that is how long I have sat on the sidelines and allowed the love of my life to blame me for her brother's accident. Of course, to be fair she also blames herself and most importantly, she blames love. She believes love is never enough; in fact, she believes it is downright destructive.

  Rylee Ash is the most amazing, loveable, gorgeous, kind-hearted, stubborn, pain in the ass woman I have ever met. I was in awe of her from the moment she stumbled into my life. I could tell from the beginning she was different from the others. She didn't fall at my feet or see me for my status.

  I spent months holding myself back after I had to beg her just to be my friend. Now, I am driving back to the hospital to sit in the waiting room and hope that maybe today will be the day she chooses to acknowledge my existence again.

  It is ridiculous really; I am Austin Black, Super Bowl MVP, and I am hanging around this girl waiting for her to throw me a bone, a scrap, hell anything at this point. I could walk outside and find any number of girls willing to do my bidding but alas, it is Rylee that has me tied in knots.

  I go to the hospital every day after workouts and I bring her and Bode food and clean clothes. I brought Boss up a time or two just to see her smile if only for a second at her lovable dog. I have actually only seen her a few times because she is usually in Jeremy's room trying to will him back to her.

  Jeremy was in a car accident with one of the detectives assigned to Rylee's stalker case. The detective was killed in the accident and it is suspected the man after Rylee is responsible for his death. He threatened to harm either J or myself if Rylee did not stop seeing me. It seems as though he made good on the threat.

  J started out in a medically induced coma but was weaned off the meds a few days ago. However, he is still hasn't come around, baffling the doctors. J and I had decided not to let Rylee's stalker interfere with her life, we were determined to keep her safe and happy.

  Taking a deep breath, I exit my truck with sandwiches in one hand and a suitcase in the other ready to face rejection again. The walk into the hospital and ride up to the third floor ICU is as uneventful as always until I step through the waiting room door.

  Rylee is curled up in a ball on one of the cold gray chairs sobbing into her knees. I look around expecting to see Bode or Eric, her friends who qualify as family, and who have not been more than a few feet away from her since the accident, but they are nowhere to be found.

  Unsure of what to do, but driven by my love for her, I quietly walk over to her, drop to my knees, and pull her to me. I do not care how furious she is with me, she clearly needs someone and I am determined that person will be me.

  To my surprise, she falls into my arms and continues her body wracking sobs. I stroke her hair before looking down at her and asking, “What happened Ry?” I am terrified her answer will be that Jeremy has left this Earth and she will never recover.

  Instead, she looks up at me with wet lashes, tear-stained cheeks, and a slight smile. “He woke up. Austin he is awake.”

  She says it so quietly it is as if she is afraid voicing it will make it untrue. I hold her tight and let her work through her emotions. Thank heavens he is alive.

  It is like a weight has been lifted from my chest I take what feels like the first deep breath I have had in nearly two weeks. I am beyond thankful that J is awake and Rylee will not be forced to endure the insurmountable grief that would have come with burying her only brother, her only true family.

  At the same time, I am also thankful she is letting me hold her no matter the fact she will likely push me away as quickly as she fell into my arms. Crushing her into me, I bury my nose in her hair, which smells of hospital shampoo instead of her usual cherry scent. No doubt, the change in smell is the fact she has refused to leave the hospital since the day J was
rushed in.

  Even with the sterile change, she astounds me, I am head over heels in love with this woman, and I know she is moments from pushing me away again. I hold her tight trying to memorize every curve and every feeling unique to her.

  Don’t get me wrong I will not give her up without a fight, but I also know I will need to put up one hell of a fight. She may not believe she is worth it, or that love is, but I know better. She is worth everything, and I am quickly learning I am worth more with her than without her.

  There are no words between us as I sit holding her allowing her breathing to even out. I dreamed about the things I would say to her when this moment came but now nothing seems more appropriate than holding her close and showing her how much I love her. I can only hope she is feeling a fraction of the love I am right now.